Battle of the Wrenches
by FMAChicks
Summary: TransformersxFM crossover. What do you get when you cross the Lambo' twins, an angry Ed, a headless Al, and two wrench crazys? Nothing good...


Mustang: Hello good readers! This fic is something I thought up when thinking of Edo's obsession with wrenches and other tools. And since I will not let her near any of them for safety reasons, I'm dedicating this fic to her.

This fic is totally not meant to be serious so if any of it seems impossible or strange, that is how it is supposed to be. Also, I think Ratchet will be a little OOC so I apologize.

Note: The transformers are human sized in this fic. Why? Idk cause Wheeljack's invention made it that way cause he is just that awesome... yeah let's go with that.

Disclaimer: I do own neither the Transformers nor the Fullmetal Alchemist gang.

**Battle of the Wrenches**

Edward sat back against a tree, revealing in the peace of his hometown. In his new life as a State Alchemist, he rarely had moment of quiet. The only true relaxing time he had was when he paid a visit to Winry and Aunt Pinako. He promised himself to enjoy it no matter what.

"Run for it, Sunny!"

"Help! Get out monsters!"

Edward opened his eyes to see his neighbor chasing two figures with a broom. He closed his eyes again. The scene was not really that odd. Since it was such a small town, there was little entertainment. The kids in the area tended to pull a lot of pranks to liven things up.

Heavy footsteps approached as the two kids continued running from the old lady.

"Way to keep a low profile, Sides," one of them snarled sarcastically. "You truly are the master of incognito. Oh, and putting on those clothes, just brilliant!"

"Well it seemed like a good idea at the time!" The second one sounded very amused, not at all put off by the other's harsh tone.

"Your 'good ideas' are the reason we always end up in trouble!"

"Huh, and here I always thought it was your sparkling personality."

As the two started bickering, Ed noticed that they had stopped walking. By the sound of their argument, they intended to stay put for awhile. Now, normally Ed would not dream of getting involved in other people's business (AN: riiiiight.), but they were invading on his few moments of solitude. True he could always move, but he was the Fullmetal Alchemist. He moved for no one.

He sat up and opened his eyes, ready to tell them to take their petty fight somewhere where someone cared, but froze with his mouth wide open.

The two beings not far from him were almost the strangest things he had ever seen. They were about six feet tall and looked like they were covered head to toe in armor. The first one was a bright yellow-gold color while the other was red. They could almost pass for just some strange guys in armor, but where their helmets would be were metal faces that looked so alive.

As Edward just sat there and gaped, the two strangers continued their argument. "I swear to Primus, Sides, if that flesh bag scratched my paint, you will be doing my next dozen patrols!" The yellow one was stretching his head in an attempt to look at his back.

The red one, Sides, snorted and replied, "Don't worry princess, your paint is fine."

The yellow one opened his mouth to retort but stopped sort when he spotted Ed. "I know it's hard to look away and all, but don't you know it's rude to stare?"

Ed continued to stare with his would hanging open. What were these things? Had that damned Mustang finally driven him insane?

Sides raised what would be his eyebrow and walked forward. He slowly waved his hand in front of Ed's face. "Hello? Anyone home?"

When Ed did not responded, he turned to the other one. "Umm, Sunny? I think he is malfunctioning. Maybe we should get the little guy some help."

That snapped Ed from his trance of shock. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO TINY THAT YOU COULDN'T SEE THEM, EVEN WITH A MAGNAFIYING GLASS, AND THAT YOU COULD SMASH WITH A TOOTHPICK!!" He stood gasping as the two armor men stared at him in shock.

A silence descended over them. Edward tried to figure out if he wanted to feel angry, shocked, or just plain freaked out while the two strangers continued to just blink at him.

"There you are, brother! I've been looking everywhere for you," Alphonse stopped short of the three, noticing the awkward silence. "Who are you?"

Ed nearly fell back to the ground. Leave it to Al not to be at all bothered by some kind of alien.

Sunny one just frowned at him, but Sides bounded forward excitedly. "Hello! The name's Sideswipe. Mr. Personality over there is my brother, Sunstreaker." He grabbed Al's hand in a jerky handshake. "I wasn't expecting to find any robotic life here! I mean this place even makes Earth seem like an advanced place. Isn't this great, Sunny?"

"He could use some updates." Sunstreaker said while looking Al up and down. "And a new paint job."

Al look at them in shock. "I...I'm not a robot," he stuttered uncertainly.

"What's a robot?" Ed asked curiously.

The two did not seem to hear them. Sunny was too busy flicking invisible specks off his arms and torso. Sideswipe, on the other hand, was staring at Al curiously.

Sides suddenly snatched Al's head off his body. The other two turned to look at him, one in panic and the other like he was insane. Sideswipe's eyes, however, were fixated on the helmet in his hands.

Edward was once again speechless. What was he going to do? If they found out about his and Al's secret, then everything would be ruined. He would go to jail or worse executed while Al would become some kind of experiment.

Sunny on the other hand was far from speechless. "What the pit are you doing, Sides?"

Sideswipe looked at his brother with wide eyes filled with horror. He waved the helmet in the air wildly and yelled out, "It's empty!"

Ed finally made himself take action. He lunged at Sides while yelling, "Give that back!" The red stranger hopped out of his way and threw the helmet at Sunny.

Sunstreaker caught it and looked at it curiously. He winced in disgust and then looked at Al trying to figure out what was going on.

Sideswipe pointed at Al accusingly. "Your no robot! Your a ghost!"

Sunny looked at his brother and shook his head. "Sides, you're an idiot."

Ed used the resulting argument as a distraction and tried to snatch the helmet away from Sunny. Sideswipe spotted him and a evil idea popped into his head.

He waved his arms above his head and backed up a few steps. "Hey, Sunny! Throw it over here!"

Sunstreaker blinked in surprise at the sudden end of the argument and looked at Ed. Catching on, he tossed the helmet into the air to Sides just before Ed could grab it.

Al was walking around with his arms outstretched. "Come on this isn't funny."

He sounded so sad that Sideswipe almost felt sorry for him, almost. Unfortunately for our favorite tin can, that was not quite enough. Ed had started running towards him when the helmet had been airborne. He caught it easily and waited until Ed got about half way to him before yelling at his brother. "Go long, Sunny!"

He got in position to throw but suddenly a very familiar, very dreaded voice joined the party.

"What the slag are you two glitches doing!"

All of them stopped and turned to see the newcomer. Edward nearly groaned when he saw that it was another of those strangers. This one was white and red. Something about him seemed older than the other two however.

Sideswipe rubbed his head sheepishly. "Ratchet, how nice of you to join us. We were just..."

"Just interacting with the lifeforms when Prime specifically stated that this was only supposed to be an exploratory mission and contact was out of the question?"

"Funny story...You see there was this crazy lady that started chasing us with a broom, and then..."

"She would not have chased us if you had not felt the need to play dress up," Sunny interjected.

Sides glared at his brother. "You're not helping. Besides, I told you, I did it so I could blend in better."

"How is wearing a dress blending?"

Sides looked down and fidgeted, "It was cause of this bet, you know I'd rather not say."

"And I'd rather not know." Ratchet glared at the two of them. "Wheeljack invented that device so that we could gain knowledge, not so you two could terrorize the natives for fun."

"It's not like that. You see that one over there is a ghost..."

Edward felt his eyebrow begin to twitch. "This nice and all, but I was wondering, WILL YOU GIVE MY BROTHER BACK HIS HEAD?!"

The three strangers looked at Ed in surprise. The red one nodded and started walking forward with the head in his hands. Suddenly, a wrench came flying out of nowhere and his him square in the back of the head.

He stumbled back and grabbed his head. "Ratchet, I didn't do anything," he whined.

Ratchet looked like he was barely containing his laugh. "It wasn't me. I would have hit you in the face."

"Then who..."

"OMG! Ed are you okay?! Who are these guys? What are they? Did they hurt you? Where's Al?"

Ed turned and saw Winry running up to the hill looking at the strangers with wide eyes. "It's nothing, Winry, just go home," he yelled at her.

She ignored him and walked up to Sideswipe. She gave him a glare and yanked the helmet out of his hands. Glaring over her shoulder, she took the helmet over to Alphonse and handed it to him, "Here you go, Al."

"Thank you, Winry."

Sideswipe pouted at the new girl. "Why did you hit me?" He grabbed his head dramatically. "Ow, the pain! The agony!?" He walked beside her and put a arm around her shoulders.

Winry gasped and swung out with another wrench. This time the tool hit him straight in the nose with a sickening crunch. Suddenly his cries of pain did not sound so fake.

His brother started snickering uncontrollably. Ratchet did not look as amused. "Hey girl, I'm the one that has to beat out those dents."

Winry looked at him with indignation. "Well maybe if you kept a better eye on them, I would not have to do it!" she shot back.

Ratchet frowned. "What am I? Their sparkling-sitter?" He yelled back at her.

"Don't yell at me you bucket-of-bolts!"

"How dare you, you primitive primate!"

"Old geezer!"

The girl and the medic stepped closer to each other with each insult. The closer they got, the farther the other four moved away. For a little while none of them moved. They stood fixated as the shouting got louder and louder. All four looked at each other and then at the arguing two and nodded in agreement.

Slowly, they began to ease away from the area. When they got about a dozen feet away, they deemed it safe to turn and start running. They got all of two steps before four identical wrenches went flying through the air, each one hitting its mark perfectly.

"ED YOU WERE JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME HERE?"

"WHERE DO YOU TWO THINK YOU'RE GOING?"

Winry and Ratchet looked at each other in surprise. Ratchet smirked at the girl suddenly and complemented, "Nice aim."

Winry grinned back. "Not so bad yourself."

The other four groaned from where they had landed on the ground.

Sideswipe sat up and rubbed his head. "What I want to know it where do all those wrenches keep coming from?"

Mustang: I know, crappy ending, but frankly I'm sleepy. Please R&R.

P.S. Thank you Edo for the nice rant. :)


End file.
